Tag: Memories

I Will Not Be Silent

On By DWilliamsIn hopeLeave a comment

Over the years, being silenced has been a common theme of my life. The most painful silencing for me was being silenced in church settings in regards to my story. (It has been years since I have written so maybe my blog is new to you. If you are interested, check out some of my earlier posts. Others are aware of my story.) The problem is not that I share my story. The problem is how this type of story is way too common. Yes, it is a hard story to hear. However, if we continue to be silent, we cannot fix it.

If stories of other people hurting upsets you, sit in it for a time and ask yourself, “Why? Why does this upset me?” Discomfort is usually a sign that something needs to change. Maybe there is something you need to stop doing. Maybe you are meant to seek help for your own pain. Maybe you are supposed to use your resources to support people who cannot help themselves. Please don’t stuff down what you are experiening. And please don’t insist on others stuffing their pain when they are being brave enough to voice it.

With all of that, here is what I really want to share. In church today, our Paster read from Luke 5. One part of the sermon really stood out to me. He was talking about fishermen washing their nets (Luke 5:2). He shared that it is important to wash your nets before storing them so that birds don’t tear holes in them thinking they are getting to fish based on the smell. This led to him asking about the state of our own “nets”. Do we have residue from our past still clinging to our nets? And what is that residue drawing to us? And do we have holes that are now interfering with our work? This really hit me. Is my past residue clinging to my nets? Is it making me ineffective? Should I really stop sharing? Is my sharing residue on my nets?

As I was praying and wrestling with this, another woman came up to pray over me. I believe her words were prophetic. She said for me, Jesus has washed clean my nets – there is no residue. Yet, God wants me to carry these memories so I can recognize, empathize, and help others who are in the place I was once in. This is His calling for me. He has work for me to do, and I cannot do that work in silence. So as long as people are hurting each other, hurting people who cannot stand up for themselves, and hurting animals, I will not be silent.

Thank you for reading.

Mess of Me

On By DWilliamsIn hopeLeave a comment

Are you ever frustrated with your life? Do you ever find yourself wondering how you got to where you are? Hopefully, you are thinking “I am very happy where I am.” My fear is that there are more people who saw a far different future for themselves – who are struggling with their current situation.

There is hope – no matter where you are today. I know this from personal experience. I met Hope when I was much younger – when I was a complete mess. I hated myself. I had very few friends. I associated with the wrong kind of guys. My sleep was wrecked by nightmares. My days were haunted by memories. I was standing on the edge of a precipice filled with hopelessness, crying out to be saved.

The song Mess of Me by Switchfoot reminds me of that time in my life. The writer of the song is crying out. It is healthy to cry out! It is healthy to identify the messy parts of your life and to cry out for something better. “I’ve made a mess of me. I wanna spend the rest of my life alive.” I have cried this out in pain. And, as I mentioned, Hope came to me and rescued me. His name is Jesus. He set me free from the prison cell of my past. He has helped me to make better choices and has blessed my life.

This hope and rescue is not just for me. Jesus longs to rescue you and give you hope too. He loves you more than you can understand. If you do not know Jesus, you have never experienced true love. His love is beautiful. If you are struggling, I encourage you to ask Jesus to save you today. If you do, you will never regret it.

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” ~ John 3:17 NIVUK

Memory Lane

On By DWilliamsIn Uncategorized

Headed down memory lane earlier today when my husband showed me a non-profit video of a family struggling to live in the Appalachian hills. When I first heard the video describing the setting, my mind went straight to picturing a third world country. Instead, there were the familiar hills and shortly after the heavy drawl of the young man they were interviewing. There home wasn’t much different than a suburban tool shed. It did lack the vinyl siding and framed windows that frequent sheds these days. They also had no bathroom and visited a neighboring friend when one was needed. Their home was located next to the burnt remains of their mobile home.

It seemed quite unbelievable that anyone in the United States could live in such a situation. But I know first hand that it is true. I remember the days of envying my neighbors who had a trailer with electric and running water. To me they were rich and surrounded by comforts until I spent the night and the rat crawled out from under the stove. We may have been quite literally dirt poor, but we did the best we could to keep out the vermin.

Our kitchen was an aluminum shed with a large wood burning pink cast iron stove. That stove was amazing and had a reservoir to keep water warm whenever there was wood burning. Our “bedrooms” (we basically had a corner) were in a mid-size army tent along with a table and a pot belly cool stove. The walls of the tent were boarded up and covered with insulation to keep it warm in the winter. A piece of asbestos covered by roofing tin protected the insulation from the heat of the stove. And a portion of the tent roof had been cut away and replaced with tin roofing so that the stove pipe could exit the tent without causing a fire.

There was no bathroom. We did have an outhouse which my parents had built and dug the hole under. That was a lot of work, but I was grateful to no longer need to traipse out into the woods. We had a small tin tub we use as a bathtub. When the weather was nice, we could bath outside. In the winter, we set it up in the tent next to the stove. I’m not sure how often we actually bathed. It took a long time for the big pan of water to heat on the stove, and it was difficult for my mom to lift it down and carry it to the tub. Dad always washed first, then mom, and then me. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water” was unfortunately too relatable of a phrase.

So how do people end up living in these situations? For my family, my dad was insane. For other’s it was family land and life was hard. They did the best they could but struggled to just live let alone make things better. Some were veterans hiding in solitude mentally ravaged by a foreign war. Other people were from a line of family members who learned to get by on disability. I just remember it being a hard place with little hope. The men could either work really hard for not much or make a career of alcohol. The women were lucky to find a man that didn’t beat them. For me, my hope was to escape. And my plan was to do the best I could at school so that I could support myself and get far away from there.