A dear friend of mine gave me a beautiful book by Ruth Chou Simons, Gracelaced: Discovering Timeless Truths Through Seasons of the Heart. The author is an artist so the pages are truly beautiful. More importantly, she does a fantastic job of guiding you through meaningful self-reflection. I highly recommend her book.
The other day, I was reading through her section on forgiveness. Forgiveness has always been a challenging topic for me. I believe this is true for most people. We want justice now. We do not want to wait for God’s timing and His justice.
Her self-reflection question was “Who in your life needs to see your tender heart?” I’ve considered myself to be tender hearted. Many people have even told me that they saw me as a tender hearted, caring person. However, I was ashamed of how many people came to mind – and how quickly – that I needed to show tenderness and mercy. If you would have asked me two days ago if I was a grudge holder, I would have said “No.” The existence of this list says quite the opposite. I shouldn’t have a list!
For me, part of this comes from a lack of humility. If my self worth is truly defined by my relationship with Jesus, how others treat me or view me does not matter. I worry too much about how others see me. I worry too much about being successful at work. If someone falsely diminishes my work or undervalues what I do, it just doesn’t matter in the big picture. The only thing that matters is what is happening between me and God – that I am working for Him! What I do at work has little impact long term. Instead, how I work is what matters. I need to do all things as if for Him with a tender heart and with integrity.
Beyond the lack of humility, there is a learned behavior here as well. Self-preservation has its role and is important; yet, sin twists it into something negative. As a child, I learned early on that other people could not be trusted. I kept a record of hurts. Now this was not me as a 6 or 12 year old thinking, “Oh, I should make a list so I remember…”. I believe it is more of a subconscious behavior. Part of the job of our brain is to remember situations or people that are unsafe and help us stay clear of them. This behavior helps keep us safe. For me, instead of applying this self-protection to extreme situations, my brain learned to apply it to everyone. This was a bi-product of believing that no one could be trusted. And due to this behavior and its liberal application, I spent years keeping people at arms length, and unfortunately, keeping that record of wrongs – big and small.
As a lover of Jesus, I am called to live differently and to let go of my grudge list. I am called to a life of love. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is patient and kind. This is how I am called to live – to love everyone including my enemies. I cannot hold on to grudges.
Why would God call us to love our enemies? First, because He loved us while we were His enemies. He wants us to love as He loves. He wants us to live in peace with one another. Second, all people are created in God’s own image and are precious to Him. God sent His one and only son, Jesus, to save everyone. Yes, everyone – all nations and all peoples – no exclusions. When we love others, despite how they treat us, we shine the light and love of Jesus. I need to love others because Jesus loves them. He came to earth and died a brutal death because of how much He loves all of us. How can I not live as He has asked when He has given so much to me?
Jesus – Please help me to love others regardless of how they treat me. Help me not to keep a record of wrongs; instead, give me a tender heart and eyes that see others as You see them.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 ESV
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV
“For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son” Romans 5:10a ESV
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:17 ESV